Zombieland 2009

First and foremost, there's a definite genre for this film. I just have no idea what it is. It's not really your typical zombie movie, it's not a dark comedy, not really a drama. More like a mix between all of these. I mean, if you took the zombie's out of the movie and only implied they existed, it'd still be an awesome movie. So let's just get that out in the open up front, first.

Secondly, Ruben Fleischer won an audience award at the Catalonian Film Festival this year for Zombieland, his Directorial Debut. For his first film, it's got the makings of Fight Club cult classic all over it, cigarette burns in the reel included. Well, except the ending wouldn't garner the "huh?" reaction from like most cult films and you could actually understand almost 99 percent of the movie. It just made perfect sense.

This movie is about living, getting by each day, one day at a time in hopes of finding your twinkie. Think of the way the characters are named. They are all named after a place, when they introduce themselves. Columbus and Tallahassee; not a place they've been or where they are from, but where they are going. Tallahassee, because he's just heading there, Columbus is looking to see if his parents are still alive and they live in Columbus, etc.

So Columbus, played by Jesse Eisenberg (Adventureland) meets Tallahassee  who's played perfectly by Woody Harrelson (if you don't know who he is, climb out from under that rock) and immediately hit it off by hating each other, but at least tolerating one another. Then both of them meet Witchita  (Emma Stone, Superbad and Little Rock) Abigail Breslin (who was the voice of Rosebud in Air Buddies and started her career in the movie Signs) and have a very easy time hating both of them. 

 

The feeling's mutual. Tallahassee has no twinkie, no guns,  no car and Columbus has no girl to push the hair behind her ears. The girls are heading toward Pacific Playland because there are no zombies there. Everyone has a place in their mind that has no zombies; the fact is there's no such place.  In the movie, there is no such place where zombies don't run rampant killing everyone.

Anyway, Bill Murray pulls off a fantastic cameo and overall the sound track is the best since Forrest Gump, in my mind. These are the two most memorable things in the movie.

Unlike most movies I review, I will not ruin this for anyone. You really should see this. There's a little gore in the beginning, and the occasional freakish zombie eating intestines, but it's really not enough to hurt the experience. You have to see this movie if only for the Bill Murray cameo.

Here are the numbers:

Random yet wonderfully played Bill Murray cameo: 10. He's fantastic.

Violence: 8.0. There's a lot of it but it doesn't take away from the film at all.

Ridiculousness: 7.0. The entire premise is ridiculous that we'd be taken over by zombies, but if we were, I'd hope to be on the road with these guys.

Not seeing Emma stone at least partially nude: 5.0. I could live with out it, but it would have given the movie some flair.

Tits and ass: 6.0. There are tits and ass, but usually they are being eaten by zombies.

Creative euphemisms for sex: 6.0. There were some, but definitely not enough.

Waiting for the evil zombie music: 8.0. No evil zombie music, thank god.

Watching a geek become and then live the life of a hero: 8.0. Columbus is awesome. He's my hero, but he didn't grab Witchita's hair and pound her from behind.

Grand total of 7.25. 

 

I love this film. I really do. I believe this will come down to be one of the best cult classics of all time.

Land of the Lost 2009

Anyone looking to watch Land of the Lost (LOL for short) for serious acting, stunning visual effects or witty comedy, stop right here. It's just not what you are going to get, so lighten up. Nobody liked this film. I didn't like this film, but just like a child that throws food all over the house, you still love that child and keep trying to force feed it asparagus and carrots and everything else that's good for it.

And that's just what we do with Will Ferrel's odd choice of movies here. Sometimes we're proud of Will's movies. We take them home, love and cherish them and put them in spots of honor in our movie collection. Other times we put them out for the yard sale the day after we buy them or just bring 'em back to where we bought them.

Once you get past the extremely low-budget look to the movie (which is sort of appropriate for LOL anyway), the ridiculous pretense (whoops, which is also sorta, um, like the original series), and the crappy acting (I think we're on a roll here), it's actually kinda fun to watch.

Will Ferrel plays Dr. Rick Marshall, a quantum paleontologist who's sole claim to fame was being ripped a new asshole by Matt Lauer (played by himself) on the eve of the release of his new book, as he tries to explain how time warps are necessary to solve our fossil fuel problem. Matt Lauer plays a fantastic nasty version of himself and eventually uses a fire extinguisher to subdue Marshall.

Cut away three years later, Marshall is in a class of some kind teaching kids about Tachyons when in comes Anna Friel playing the part of Holly Cantrell, Marshall's biggest and only fan. Coincidentally she's hot. She convinces him to fix or repair the tachyon machine and finds that the one place that has the best place to find tachyons is in Devil's Canyon. Or something like that. This is where they meet Danny McBride playing the character of Will Stanton, the redneck

Regardless of what you think about the movie, the cinematography was actually pretty well done. The script was actually pretty funny if you pay close attention to what Will Ferrel is actually saying everytime something happens.

"Captain Kirk's Nipples!"

"What a piece of crap! The machine, I mean, not A Chorus Line. I love Show tunes. They really tell the story of the human condition."

Just totally random weird shit. Completely serious.

Anyway, so Marshall winds up in another time/dimension/place/set with Holly and Will and immediately finds a viking ship and a Cessna. In the home movie he's making he describes Will as "Some trashy trailer park reject that smells like malt liquor and feet..." and Will says "I'm standing right here!".

Okay, not roll on the floor funny, but situationally funny.

Enter Chaka, some form of bipedal life (slightly monkey, kinda human) played Jorma Taccone who as it happens  to understand english within about 10 minutes of being introduced in the movie. Totally feasible, of course.

Anyway, enough of the plot. The script doesn't really put a lot into it, so why should I. The rest of the movie is fun to watch and the dialogue is actually pretty funny mostly. Leonard Nimoy plays a cameo, which gives some amount of life to the movie.

Here are the numbers.

Overall Ridiculousness: 7. Could have definitely been more ridiculous. For instance, there could have been midgets. No midgets in this film except possibly Chaka.

Violence: 3. No violence, really, except the dinosaur stalking Marshall, but that was just funny.

Tits and Ass: 0.0. None. Except for maybe some indirectly at the very end which I won't talk about because I don't want to completely ruin the movie (as if I could).

Random dialogue: 6.0. Funny enough to keep the movie along in between smoking your crack pipe to stay interested.

Completely random number: 4.

Overall 2.5.   Funny, bad effects, somewhat good dialogue, and Anna Friel in a wife beater and shorts. Meh. It' was altogether mediocre but I liked it about as much as I liked the original series, which, mind you, sucked.