Fatman 2020

So what do we have here, exactly?

Mel Gibson was one of my favorite actors growing up (with the Lethal Weapon series, Mad Max, etc) and I was pleasantly surprised that he played this role so well. A mediocre role in a somewhat mediocre film with so-so actors, director, writer, etc...

After his career somehow survived his various career killing situations (google is your friend) that came up over the past decade and a half, he has given us this rather fun-to-watch-once-and-forget movie. 

I should also mention the not particularly well-known director/writer brothers Eshom and Ian Nelms. They are not famous, they've had some interesting kudos at various film festivals, and yet they still kinda pulled off a somewhat courteous chuckle-worthy and goofy Santa Claus movie.

In a nutshell, it's an action comedy flick about Santa Claus having to seek out funds from the Federal Government in order to keep his factory working and keep his elves fed. Apparently they'v'e been living off the government dole for some time, and this year the check is only half of what they usually get. 

Apparently Santa's excuse for the slowdown is that "kids don't believe in Santa" or "aren't very well behaved" et al and has come up a few times to suggest why Santa's elves haven't been as busy as usual, thus the pared check situation. These excuses are basically ignored by the military folks that show up with a proposal: to build weapon parts for a couple months. 

You get right away that the federal government stiffed Santa just to get him to get the elves to build weapon parts, right? 

Well, as it turns out, the government stiffed Santa to get him to get his elves to build weapons parts. Is this a reflection of the U.S. Government and an insight to how our government really works? Could one walk away from this movie with a different point of view about the global insanity that our government leaders create from a need for power and greed?

Probably not.

In the meantime, this extremely spoiled rich kid Billy Wenan (played by Chance Hurstfield) decides he doesn't appreciate the idea of getting coal in his stocking. So he hires "Skinny Man" played by Walton Goggins to kill Santa. He'd already hired him to kidnap and force his school mate into admitting she cheated so he'd win first place in a school project, so what's so hard about killing Santa? Can't be that much of a big step...

So.  

The trailer might suggest that it's just a straightforward action flick, and it's not that far from the truth. There are lots of little plot twists and it's dark comedy is actually close to interesting enough to finish watching the entirety of the film. 

You would expect this to be a rather nutty film, and it is. I mean, the plot is certainly oddball, but that's okay. And the actors aren't exactly a-list, but that's fine. The writer/director brothers are sort of unknown, but that's cool. I had a hard time watching Mel Gibson in anything, to be honest, but it was tolerable. 

I suppose what I'm saying is: I'm okay with this movie. I came in expecting an all out action flick and I saw something rather fun to watch as well. Not as fun as the Gibson classics, but still fun nonetheless. 

As everyone has been pretty much in lock-down on and off over the past 8 or 9 months, and things have gotten pretty desperate with what to watch online, this movie somehow leaked through the cracks and caught my attention. I watch a lot of movies and shows, so I figured, what the fuck. Might as well say something mediocre about a mediocre film. 

Mel Gibson playing Santa and getting shot several times: 5

Overall plot: 3

The scene when the elves explain their diet to the military guy: 7

A movie with barely memorable cast members still doing a decent job at pulling off a mediocre film with a couple kinda funny situations:5

For a perfectly mediocre total of 5 out of 10.

Greenland, 2020

 

You've seen it before. Pretty often, actually. Big thing falls from the sky, gonna wipe out the entire human race, cause Armageddon, the usual. And then there's a person, family, group of some kind who is racing to get to save the planet, or just to get to a safe place, etc. 

Yes, you've seen this movie over and over again since 1916 (yep, you read that right, not 2016) in The End of the World, which, by the way, was about a comet passes by the earth. 

As it turns out, this movie is about a comet passing WAY too close to the earth and what happens when all those thousands of pieces hit. 

However, you haven't seen it with Gerard Butler and Morena Baccarin as leads in this film directed by Ric Roman Waugh. Well, maybe you have seen it, so that's good. 

I say "that's good" because this is just a refreshing movie with nearly no hints of humor whatsoever in it. It's a straight on legit drama between John and Allison Garrity (Butler, Baccarin) and how they have to deal with their marriage falling apart. 

Nathan, their son, played by Roger Dale Floyd, is really the center of the entire film, not the comet that comes down and wipes out 75% of humanity. 

The film basically introduces you to the Garrity family, and the fact that their marriage is completely on the rocks. Nathan, their son, has diabetes and he needs insulin on a regular basis. 

So there's your little "oh, yeah, that's gonna suck if a comet breaks apart in the sky and starts wiping out the planet" plot point. 

The Garritys get picked to go to a secret government facility (location unknown) through a huge loud message on their television and phones, while their neighbors question why they didn't get similar messages themselves. 

They then have to fight their way into the airbase to jump on a series of planes to some unknown location for safety. 

As they travel, they get separated, kidnapped, and miraculously brought back together at the last moment to somehow mysteriously wind up not even a mile from a special bunker in Greenland designed to withstand the apocalypse. 

Although you've seen this movie hundreds of times over the past century, it was still fun to see an interesting dramatic twist here and there, some interesting actors you might never get to see in a film, and Gerard Butler. 

I'm going to give some ridiculous algebraic equation to determine a completely random rating. 

Another apocalypse movie: 7

Getting to see Gerard Butler's six pack: 1

Having Morena Baccarin in a movie after seeing her in Deadpool 1 and 2: 6

Somehow believing yet again most of the planet could explode except for one tiny little bunker in some remote part of the world: 6

General sense of everyone is going to die!: 8

 

Which brings us to a noteworthy 5.6 out of 10. 

 

Not the greatest apocalyptic film of all time, but certainly not the worst.