Kick Ass 2010

Kick Ass, released in April of 2010 did just that. Kicked Ass. We start with our hero Dave Lizewski (played by Aaron Johnson) narrating the first five minutes. Dave basically discusses superheroes, his dead mother and masturbating about his teacher's tits. I honestly believe Matthew Vaughn (directed Snatch and is also directing X-Men: First Class)  added the tissues to the trash repeatedly to remind parents that just because there are kids in the movie doesn't keep it from being rated R.

Once we get past his teacher's tits (nice, by the way, for a Cougar teacher) we get into the movie. I spoil all movies, so I'll try not to spoil this one too. Yeah right!).

The basic premise is the dweeb hates being mugged so he begins his valiant attempt at vigilante justice. which fails miserably. He basically gets his name reversed upon himself (get it? ass kicked?) on several occasions. While getting his ass pounded (metaphorically, thank goodness) he runs into Big Daddy, played by Nicolas Cage, and Hit Girl, played by Chloe Moretz. Chloe, in case you don't recognize her, did voice work for My Friends Tigger and Poo from 2007-2008. Don't let the sweet little voice fool you, though. Her character is vicious and lays a trail of blood and entrails every time she puts her mask on.

Well, as the plot unfolds, it turns out that Big Daddy has a score to settle with Frank D'Amico, played by Mark Strong. Strong played Lord Blackwood in Sherlock Holmes recently, as well as Godfrey in Robin Hood, two blockbuster hits of 2010. He was busy.  Strong has no idea that Big Daddy even exists, and a string of hits against his evil little empire are blamed on Kick Ass because someone actually got a shot of him on his camera phone.

So Frank's son Chris (played by Christopher Mintz-Plasse; Superbad, Role Models, How to Train Your Dragon) sells his dad on the idea that in order to catch the hero, he has to be a hero. So Chris transforms himself into Red Mist, drives around in a supe-d up car and finds Kick Ass. After realizing that Kick Ass is innocent, he finds out who the real culprit is for all the damage being done to Frank's people.

Eventually, he tricks Kick Ass into luring Big Daddy to his demise. Big Daddy's little girl (she's what, 13?) kills everyone in site, but not in time to save her father. Now it's her time for revenge. She takes out everyone in site and then Kick Ass blows Frank up with a Bazooka.

I know. Totally random. But in the movie it makes sense.

It's already rumored that 2012 will bring us another installment of Kick Ass (Balls to the Wall), but that wasn't too hard to swallow when you see that Chris is still alive and looking for vengeance too.

All in all, it was a very fun movie to watch. Kinda hardcore in some spots, like when they cut some guy's fingers off with a cable cutter, microwaved another guy, crushed someone in a car crusher, and then the overall action always ended in guts and brain spew (which was kinda cool). There was certainly a good amount of action, the plot was well thought out and easy to follow, and our hero (Kick Ass) gets the girl Lyndsy Fonseca who plays Katie Deauxma (Which is French for ten times hotter than...). Lyndsy has been all over TV from Boston Public to House M.D. and is also rumored to be in the sequel to this movie. She was also in Hot Tub Time Machine (played Jennie), but we'll get to that movie later.

Here are the numbers:

Gratuitous violence by a 13 year old: 9
Masturbation references in narrative: 3
The Balls it took to do this movie: 8
Unrelenting Spider Man references: 2
Nudity: 1
Cameos: 0
Tits and Ass: 3
Special effects: 7
Geek to Hero: 9

Brings our grand total for Kick Ass to 4.67. Don't let the number fool you, this movie was fantastic.